Sing to you...

Okay so it's almost one in the morning and I'm not sleepy. I took a much-needed three hour nap earlier, that's why. So yeah, I figured I'd blog to kill time since I barely update this anyways. I'm probably gonna end up sleeping for an hour or two later. That's kind of my plan anyways, cause if I sleep now, then I'm gonna wake up late and be late to calc again. I need to cut down on being late or absent to that class cause Mr. Adams has been on my ass about it lately lol. It's funny though. Hm, everyone's been talking about college these days so here's my rant:

Honestly, this college talk is so depressing. Everyone's getting into the colleges that they want and then there's me who got into only one of the seven I applied to. Like I'm happy that I got into Merced and I really wouldn't mind going there, but what if they really take away my admission? I'm gonna be left with nothing cause my dumbass didn't apply to SFSU as a safety school. I don't mind going to community college first, but when I think about it... all I ever wanted these past four years was to get away from home and become independent. Now it's probably not gonna happen. Even if Merced didn't take my admission away, I can't even afford to go there... not even with the financial aid or grants I might get. My social security is STILL fucked up and I probably won't even be able to get any aid cause of it. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, but I truly am jealous. I feel like all the high-level classes I've taken all of my academic life have been a complete waste of my time since I'm gonna be at community anyways. Whenever someone asks me what college I'm going to, I can't even answer cause it depresses me just talking about it. I was alright with everything last week, but now that I've heard from all the colleges I applied to, it's like, damn.. I really only got into one out of seven. This reallllly sucks. =(

In other news... do I really have any other news? lol just kidding.

I've been having bad sleeping patterns lately. I procrastinated on essays and stuff last week or two weeks ago, so I kept staying up late and taking litttle naps while working on them, but for the past week or so, I've held on to that pattern even though I had nothing to stay up for (like tonight). Now that I have a laptop and I'm always using it while I'm sitting on my bed, I've been able to do homework, talk to people online, and take little naps without the hassle of moving from computer to bed lol. Anyways, I kinda like this pattern though, especially when I get just enough sleep that I'm not hella dead at school AND when I have a lot of time to get ready in the morning. As much as I hate being up in the morning, I love it when I'm up early and I don't have to worry about rushing to get ready.

Prom's getting closeee! Like, what? Five weeks? Yikes. I've been looking online for dresses and found a couple of nice ones, but I'm scared of online shopping cause I did that for my Winterball dress this year and my dress barely fit me lol. I'm aiming towards the color blue, buttt I wanna be nice and make sure my date's cool with that color. I haven't talked about prom with him at all, but we will soon enough. I'm head of ticket sales and for some odd reason, I'm hella excited about selling tickets next week even though it's gonna be super hectic and stressing. I reaaaaaaaalllly can't wait to see how everything turns out.

Ahh, cotillions. I'm excited about them, but I fucking hate the fact that I suck at dancing lmao. Catheryn AND Marjo keep telling me to put more energy into it. I feel sooo out of my comfort level thoughh. I know how to do the moves, but I have a lot of trouble making it look nice and doing it fast. Damn you natural-born dancers!

Okay, I'm getting kind of tired. o.o If I sleep now, I'm gonna wake up late. Gahh. I'll kill time by working on my essay due Friday or watching movies online. Orrr maybe I'll tend to my dying roses! HAH. K bye!

Reeeejecteddd!

College admission letters? Fuck 'em, lol. I never felt so unwanted in my life! I just got rejected from UCSB today. SJSU rejected a crapload of people on the waiting list, including me. SDSU rejected me. UCMerced accepted me, but can easily take away my admission because of the D I got in calculus last semester. I have yet to hear from Long Beach State, UCI, and UCSD, but I really don't think the latter two would accept me if UCSB didn't. Gah! Why didn't I apply to SFSU and Fullerton? =( See you guys in community college. I guess I won't be going away for college like I always wanted after all. Stupid economy. I heard they just cut like $10 billion from California schools. Damn really? I thought we were trying to get people into college, not out. -.-

ANYWAYS. It's March. Graduation's coming up, yayyy! But of course, there are other events like prom and senior picnic first. I'm excited. I really hope the prom committee will be able to advertise like crazy so that we can reach our goal and stuff. I'm pretty damn sure we can do it though. I mean... come on, $90 tickets? Ticket sales haven't been that low in a long time. I'm looking forward to dress shopping, except for the fact that I'm gonna have to spend a lot of money.

Spring break is coming up, tooo. I hope The Pack's roadtrip plan to SoCal pulls through, even though all the places we were planning to stay at are booked. I really need to get out of this area, even if it's just for a week. I don't want things to end up like they did for our President's Week plans lol.

K I should probably organize my binder or study for calc now (sike!). LOL, toodles!

Live Up to Your Title

Sooo I'm on the bus home from UC Santa Cruz right now. It was pretty good I guess. The weather was really nice. Not a good idea for me to wear a long sleeve and boots though lol. The food there was pretty good too. I had like BBQ chicken pizza, fries, sushi, and ice cream... and it was all free! lol. I regret not applying there. I thought it was closer to home, but it's really not. Ehh, whatever. While we were eating, Sam and I were being kinda emo and started having a deep convo, kinda. Iono, I just started thinking about certain friendships and how some people really don't even try to live up to their title. It's so hard hearing certain things from other people that should have come from someone else. Like, if you're best friends with someone, why are you the one of the last to know something? Nowadays it just feels completely useless to put effort into something that isn't even worth putting effort in. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not considering other people's point of views, but whatever. If that's how I feel, then that's that. This is one of the reasons why I wanna get senior year over with already and hopefully move somewhere far enough so I can meet new people. Not that I'm tired of everyone here, but I just think that it'll really help me.

I have Alicia Keys - Goodbye on repeat right now and the lyrics are KINDA perfect. Heh, I'll blog again soon. Maybe next week when I turn 18. =)

asdfghjkl;

I take it back. I haven't made any progress.

We've gotten used to acting like there's nothing wrong, when in reality... everything's the matter.