Quickie

Um yeah, just a quick rant typa thing.

I hate that I think too much about certain things. I hate that I'm so miserable. I hate that I can't move the fuck on with my life. I hate school. I hate my damn chemistry teacher. I hate chemistry. I hate time. I hate that I'm so damn ugly. I hate that I get dumber and dumber each school year. I hate that I'm so fucking lazy. I hate that I procrastinate. I hate that I get distracted so easily. I hate school. I hate that I hate so much. I hate that I can't stop thinking of you. I hate that I can't seem to fall for anyone else. I hate how confusing people can be. I hate people that can't make up their minds. I hate how people can't tell me how they really feel, although I think I already know by now just by how they act. I hate how people can't be honest with themselves. I hate that I love you too much. I hate that I eat too much. I hate that I have fat hanging off my tummy. I hate how I'm not less than 100 pounds anymore. I hate that I can't afford college. I hate that my GPA is so low. I hate people that think they're the shit. I hate it when smart people worry too much about their grades and act like their lives are over when they get an A-. I hate how happy I get when I see you, knowing that you don't fucking feel the same way. I hate how we're drifting apart. I hate how we don't hang out AT ALL and you don't care. I hate how I feel like you're not making an effort. I hate how I assume all the time. I hate my house. I hate how I'm living with people I don't like. I hate how fortunate some families are. I hate that I spend so much money. I hate how work is so fucking boring and not chill whatsoever. I hate how people always associate me with my mom. I hate how I'm not as independent as I want to be.

Okay, maybe that wasn't so quick.
Maybe hate is too strong of a word. Just pretend I said dislike instead of hate.
You guys are probably gonna think I'm the emo-est bitch ever, but try making a list of things that bother you. It'll probably be just as long, if not longer.

Walking Away

Hellooo. Before I start, I would like to wish Mtizzledizzleforshizzle a happppy 17th birthday! Now the entire pack is finally all 17 lol. I know you LOVED your surprise. <333 Hah, anyway... today started out great and ended horribly. This morning, we surprised Michelle with a chocolate cake and 17 muffins. We made her suffer the whooole day by making her carry those two trays LOL. Goodshit. Afterschool was blitz. Iono, I don't think we did that well with our hallways this time around. Hopefully our junior hallway decorations and rally poster make up for it. Yeah... then me, Sam, and Julia secretly blindfolded Michelle and took her to my car. LOL, we didn't take the blindfold off until we were ready to order at Marie Callender's. It was realllly fun. Everything started to get reallly boring when I got home, though. I got irritated... at myself, my mom, my life, my feelings, school, etc. I don't know, I'm just like that and I hate it.



As for everything else... I don't know. I really don't understand my feelings. Gahhh, I really wish I could so all of this can just be over and done with. Summer's coming and I can't fucking wait. I hope it'll help me get past all my emoness and shit. I don't know though... maybe it'll make things worse. We'll just have to see.

Honestly, I just want to get junior year over with. I'm sick of my classes. I wanna know if I got into AP or Honors Lit. already. I'll have to wait until Tuesday, I guess. I decided not to take AP Gov/Econ. Partly because Ms. Kruger scared me during the meeting and partly because I want my senior year to go by pretty smoothly. AHH fuck... fast forward fast forward fast forwaaaaard!

Sweet Misery

Since I don't have any homework to do, I'll just blog about random stuff that's going on.

School. Ah fuck, I just want junior year to be over already. These past couple of weeks have been hell for me and a bunch of others I know. Well, I don't think it seems like I've been stressing as much as others cause I'm such a fucking slacker. I've been sleeping late though, cause of homework of course. SATs were okay. I'm really hoping for an acceptable score even though I barely studied. I completely winged it. AP tests are this week and next week. AP English isn't until the 14th. I should really start studying cause I did really bad on the practice tests my class has been taking. Ugh, then tryouts for AP/Honors Lit are on the 15th. I doubt I'm gonna get into AP. Honors? Maybe. SAT IIs (US History &Literature) in June... I think I'm actually gonna study for that. What elseee? Um, elections... I lost. I really wanted the position, but it's whatever now. I'm still thinking about whether to run for office in FBLA. Yeahhh, I really need to get my grades up. I wanna raise my english grade to at least an A-, chem to a B-/C+, and trig to a B-/C+. I'm hoping for a 3.4 - 3.6 this semester. -.-

College. Omgggg, everyone's been talking about college these past few weeks. It's getting me super excited and scared at the same time. I reallllly wanna go somewhere in SoCal. They have a bunch of good schools there and I really like the environment. I also wanna get away from Daly City. Maybe I'll regret saying that, but that's what I want for now. My top choice is San Diego State right now. I like UC Irvine too, but I'm not sure if I can really get into a UC, especially with my ugly ass grades. I'm thinking about getting into business administration, but I don't know. I need to do more research. AHH, okay no more college talk. I'm getting myself excited already and I still have my whole senior year to go.

Stuff. Emotionally, I've been having ups and downs. One minute I'm hyper with my friends, the next minute I'm hella quiet and emo. It sucks. My feelings are driving me fucking crazy. I miss the old days A LOT. I think that's one of the main sources of my random sadness. Everything reminds me of... yeah. Next week is... yeah, and it makes me feel... yeah. I'm not gonna be the longest, therefore I'm not gonna be the most memorable. Damn, wth is wrong with me? Have I not made any progress? I honestly thought I did... a little. My wishful thinking is not gonna get me anywhere. I need to move the fuck on with my life.

Sigh, whatever. I used to wish for a rewind button, but now I want a fast forward one.